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The PETA Practical Guide
- (PDF Format - may take time to load)
Summary of Facts
frequently add information and tips for your pets such as first
aid, home-made treats, holiday tips and more so check back
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours,
faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it
to him to be worthy of such devotion.
When choosing a family pet, please
consider adopting from your local animal
shelter...it'll do your heart good!
"Within the heart of every stray lies
the singular desire to be loved"
We're new to
facebook - if you like Animals Matter Too, please help others find
Adopt your own little Purrito...available
at any local shelter
All Dogs Go to Heaven!
These two churches face each other on a busy street. When one church
posted that All Dog Go To Heaven, a public discussion begins with a
hilarious ending. I'll definitely side with Our Lady of Martyrs Church
on this one. Make sure you read them in order!
here to see full-size images on one page
Who's Your BFF?
from a Dog's Diary:
• 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
• 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
• 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
• 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
• 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
• 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
• 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
• 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
• 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
• 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
• 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now . . .
Pet Rules - Author Unknown
To be posted
VERY LOW on the
door - nose
Dear Dogs and
The dishes with
the paw print
are yours and
food. The other
dishes are mine
and contain my
note, placing a
paw print in the
middle of my
plate and food
does not stake a
claim for it
food and dish,
nor do I find
pleasing in the
The stairway was
not designed by
NASCAR and is
not a racetrack.
Beating me to
the bottom is
not the object.
because I fall
faster than you
I cannot buy
than a king
sized bed. I am
very sorry about
this. Do not
think I will
sleeping on the
couch to ensure
Dogs and cats
curl up in a
ball when they
sleep. It is not
stretched out to
I also know that
straight out and
hanging out the
other end to
is nothing but
For the last
time, there is
not a secret
exit from the
bathroom. If by
some miracle I
beat you there
and manage to
get the door
shut, it is not
meow, try to
turn the knob or
get your paw
under the edge
and try to pull
the door open. I
through the same
door I entered.
Also, I have
been using the
years - canine
The proper order
is kiss me,
then go smell the
other dog or
cat's butt. I
To pacify you,
my dear pets, I
have posted the
message on our
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
If you don't
hair on your
stay off the
they call it
I like my
pets a lot
I like most
you, it's an
on all fours
many ways, dogs
and cats are
better than kids
all the time
Never ask to
to buy the
to wear your
Don't need a
If they get
you can sell
What Happens on Halloween When Pet Parents are Nuts!
Why Dogs Are Better Than Women
Obviously written by a man
Dogs don't cry (unless they have to pee).
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for
Dogs like beer.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Really Dumb Animal Jokes
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" says Daisy.
♥ A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,
"I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really, really heavy"
♥ What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
do whales like to chew? Blubber gum!
♥ Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
♥ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
did the chicken cross the road? To get some eggsercise
♥ Why did the cat love to play on the computer?
Because it had a mouse
do you call a sleepy bull? A bull dozer.
is a dog's favorite job? A Rufferee
did the cow cross the road? To go to the mooooovies!
♥ Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was
stuck to the chicken's foot!
♥ Why are dogs are bad dancers? Because they have two left feet!
♥ What did the sheep say when he took his
medicine? This tastes baaaaaaa-d!
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb
a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air
waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he
slowly climbed the tree again, jumped and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a
branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork
and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is
trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's
only bringing people babies and making them happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's
bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."
A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent
from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents
ask him where he's been all night.
The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college
Couldn't be More Fitting
Sometimes it's Just Better to be Patient!